Let it be known, that I, your president, Donald J. Trump who is the reincarnation of the great George Washington himself, who cares about you so much – I love you, every single one of you except maybe those who don’t like me, who cares about them, I don’t care – am the first person on this great earth to have drawn a connection between Iranian and uranium. I know it’s super obvious. Just look at those two words or listen to them.
Anybody could have seen it, but they didn’t. I did. I alone did. You heard it from me here first. There is a major connection between Iranian and uranium and that’s why it’s so dangerous. The most dangerous combination. Just listen to it.
I think it’s pretty obvious what I’m trying to say. Pretty obvious. Really obvious. Because uranium is stuff that is dangerous which is why Iranian is so dangerous, so very, very dangerous.
There are other words like this that I think it’s important you know that I have identified that are so very dangerous or maybe very, very good. Like these two.
Ok. Obvious. Obviously it’s saying that I was George Washington, the great statesman of the United States. And now I’m president and a great statesman of the United States.
I wish you could see my hand gestures right now because they would completely without a doubt clarify any confusion you might still have, because there’s no reason to be confused. I’m a statesman. This is the United States. Enough said. Next.
This is exactly what Putin means when he says that the worst catastrophe in the history of the world is the dissolution of the Soviet Union. It’s supposed to be fused. See? All those stupid little countries with their stupid little presidents could all be part of one great big country. But no. They just want to be these little sniveling independent countries.
Like what would happen if the United States broke apart the way the European Union is breaking apart, because that’s really one big stupid country. We are one big great country, or almost great, because I’m going to make it great again, so maybe it’s a little bit better, just a little, but a few weeks better, because at least I’m president now. So who knows. Maybe a lot better already.
But those Russians breaking away from Russia, that makes no sense. They think they’re different countries because they speak different languages. Let me tell you, Melania says it’s a real pain to have to speak so many languages. Russian would be enough. Why don’t they all just speak Russian, like all Americans speak English? Maybe you didn’t know that Melania speaks Russian because she didn’t list it in her biography. We didn’t think she should brag so much about how many languages she was forced to learn because all of these stupid little countries, like even Slovenia where her father was in the communist party and her mother was too, they were happy to speak Russian. So Russian. Fusion. Next.
That’s right, we’re going to fine China for all of those exports and all of those terrible things they sell at Walmart that kill thousands of people every single day. Enough said. China. Fine.
They say there’s a china room in the White House. I haven’t seen it yet. You know I go for long walks in the White House at night in my robe because when I was George Washington the White House wasn’t even built yet. It’s a fact. Can you imagine I didn’t get to live in the White House back then? Yeah, it’s one of those great mysteries of the world. But it’s true.
Taco, paco, they all end in “co.”
You know what co is? It’s the abbreviation for company. I have a lot of them. I know this. You can look it up. Folks, that’s why all of the jobs are going to Mexico because Mexico is a company. Mexi Company. Mexi Co. Mexico. Like Texaco. Steeling our jobs. Steeling all of our great jobs. Such a bad company, disgraceful really.
Nada in Spanish is nothing. Which is what Canada is. Nothing, really. We don’t have to worry much about Canada. They’re just up there thinking they want to be us because we are Americans. What are they then, I guess, Canadians? Maybe? Doesn’t really matter. Nobody, cares about Canada, nada. Done.
They could be just Germ. But no. They’re Germany. Many. Which means there are a lot of germs. So it’s an epidemic, which is why they’re allowing all of those terrible, horrible criminals to pour into their country and into our country, like an infestation. That is what Germany is and that is what Germany does. It unleashes epidemics, like the black plague, and the bubonic plague, any other plague. And it’s all coming straight from Germany. Look at ebola. Look at zika. Look at terrorism. Look at any epidemic. It came straight from Germany. Plus I’m a germaphobe. I really hate germs. Terrible things. Terrible people. Really truly awful people full of germs. Germ many.
You have to really watch yourself if you go over there or if they come over here. Wash your hands. Wash them often. Don’t kiss them. Don’t let them kiss you. It’s why German women are 2’s because they’re always fighting off these germs and they have no time to take care of their genes and make better looking people and women.
All those people speaking Spanish at Mar-a-Lago, really it has to stop. I’m done with it. It’s such a pain. What are they saying all the time? We’re in the United States of America. We speak American here. We’re not in Spain. So stop with the language already. Mister president. Ok? Not senor. Not presidentay. Just Mister President, yes sir, you are welcome. Done. Anything else makes my ears hurt, which is pain.
East India Company
When I was George Washington I knew all about all of these connections too. Well, maybe not about uranium and maybe we didn’t have Mexico yet because there weren’t too many companies yet, like the East India Company. See? Already, right in the beginning of this great nation, the East India Company plays a great big role. Even then I remember how we were invaded by engineers from India taking away jobs from American engineers and forcing them to train their replacements. It’s been going on for thousands of years, hurting American jobs, hurting American workers. Now I’m finally going to put a stop to those bad, illegal companies.
So, I hope you understand that this job of president of the United States of America is a big responsibility and it’s up to me, and only me, even when I was George Washington, because I’m the only person qualified to shed light on these situations which are so dangerous to our great country.
God bless America.