Let’s Talk Tax Reform

20 trillion dollars. 20 trillion. It’s a huge stupid number. It’s just a disaster how much we have spent overseas, while this country is crumbling into nothing. Into dust. Into powder.

I’m not going to get into powder again. I like powder. I used it when I was George Washington. Sometimes I used a little morphine because I had this chronic pain. They called it something else back then, but it was morphine. Now I like a little powder, not the stupid kind we put on our heads.

Ok? Enough about powder already. Stop bringing up the stupid powder.

We are here to discuss tax reform and how tax breaks help everyone, the business, the people. Everyone, I tell you folks, everyone benefits when they don’t pay taxes.

I know. Look how much I’ve benefited. I don’t even file a tax return anymore because there’s nothing to pay. Then I get audited by some very stupid people at the IRs who take a very long time to look over nothing. I mean nothing. And they keep auditing, and auditing, and auditing, and I keep sending them more documents, more and more documents. How long does it take to audit all those documents? I don’t know. A long time apparently, a very long time.

I tell you, folks, these people know nothing and they do nothing and anything they do takes forever.

So everyone understands, my tax reform proposal, which is the greatest tax program in the entire world, is very, very simple. We don’t even have to create pages and pages of rules that everyone has to spend time reading and understanding. And the fees you have to pay them. The attorneys. The accountants. Oh my God. So many fees. It’s ridiculous really. We will end every single one of those fees. I promise.

Yes it’s jobs for them. But they can get jobs somewhere else. They all have degrees. They all have diplomas on their walls. Not like my coal miners. These people have all sorts of credentials and licenses so they can just go get jobs somewhere else. I don’t care where. It doesn’t matter.

So you probably want to know what my tax proposal is. You’ve probably heard tax cuts, some amount say 10% or 20% or 50% or something, some number. And then if it’s a number you have to do a lot of math and there’s math, math, math.

So no, folks, my tax proposal is the most revolutionary and easiest tax proposal that has ever been invented. And I’m its inventor, so I should really probably get paid a lot of money for inventing this, but no. I’m not going to do that to my American people. I’m so generous. I’m just doing this one for free. No fees. No hidden fees. No costs. Nothing.

Are you ready folks, because this is so revolutionary that no one has ever even thought of it except me. Only I with my great mind could have come up with this. Like I said during the election, “I alone can fix it.”

I alone can fix it. Imagine that. And back then I didn’t even have any idea how I would do that but I believed my mind would come up with something.

Ok folks, I know you’ve been waiting for a long time. So here it is. Finally, here it is. The great reveal, we say in television, the great reveal.

Everyone will submit nothing more than one single blank sheet of paper with their name and address on it.

Sheet of Paper
A sheet of white paper. My simple and BRILLIANT tax reform plan.

That’s it. Do it by April 15, or whatever day they say. It doesn’t matter. It’s just a blank sheet of paper. Maybe your name is on it. Maybe it’s not on it. It doesn’t matter.

Because when the IRS gets all of these blank pieces of paper they will be overwhelmed. Completely overwhelmed with blank pieces of paper and they won’t know what to do. They will be standing there like deer in the headlights. You know what that is? It’s like this.

Pause for a second and imagine me with a dear in the headlights look, and then imagine all of those IRS agents with the same look.

I tell you, it’s brilliant. And everyone will save tons of money, and every business will flourish and there will be so many jobs, so many jobs will be created. And all we had to do was as a country send in a blank sheet of paper to the IRS.

Imagine that. Imagine that, folks. A blank sheet of paper. So brilliant, so brilliant and white. Yeah, we’ll say the blank sheet of paper has to be white. All white and so brilliant.


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