First of all, I don’t care who started it or how long it goes on, eventually every war ends. Look at me and Ivana. Or Marla. I’m telling you eventually it ends. 100 Years War? That ended. Thousand Years War? That will be ending soon. Believe me. It will be ending soon.
Who better to explain this to you than the reincarnation of George Washington himself. You see, I was reincarnated on earth at this very moment in time by God himself. Maybe Jesus. I’m not sure. It’s dark up there. But God or Jesus. Maybe even both. Who knows? I don’t.
I was reincarnated by God and Jesus (Ok?) at this very point in time to start the greatest war there ever was so that eventually it would end and everybody would win. That’s the point. The specific and clear-as-day point. When a war ends, especially if it lasts a long time, no matter what happens, when it ends everyone wins.
I talked about this with Vladimir and he conferenced me in to Bashar. Al Asisis couldn’t make it. So be it. Together we came up with a terrific plan that works like an engine. Like a watch engine. A think of beauty.
First, Bashar gasses his people. Ok, this is probably the worst part of the plan, but it was Bashar’s idea so who am I to argue?
Next, I order a strike on a military airfield. Done! Check! Done! (Remember, when I was George I started the Revolutionary War. I have experience, in other words, and this is going to be a revolutionary war too).
Then Vladimir says this is an act of aggression, which is perfect for me because all of those people looking into our pre-election connection (like the sound of that?) will never imagine that Vlad and I and even Bashar all decided on this plan together. So SMART!!! Talk about a WIN FOR ME!!!
From there we play it by ear. Bashar. Vladimir. Me. Whoever else wants to join in. Maybe Iran? They’ll talk to whomever they know over there right now, and see.
And so it begins.
And then eventually it ends.
When it does, because the U.S. will win for sure, plus I already have that little mini-win discrediting ties with Russia pre-election, it’s a win-win-win for everybody.
Don’t you think it’s a really ingenious plan?
Now if Congress would just shut up about approval for my next bombing because it just makes it that much harder for Jared to coordinate things with Vladimir.