Are they nuts? Why does anyone think I would attend the White House Correspondents’ Dinner?
There wasn’t even a White House when I was George Washington. They were just building it back then, but it was going slowly and I died. I can tell you, that’s never happening again. I’m never going to die.
This is the same dinner where a few years ago Obama said some very not nice things about me. He wasn’t nice. He wasn’t very nice to me at all. And he was the president then. He should have been a lot nicer to me.
If he knew who I was, maybe he would have been nicer, because I’ve been very good to my black people. I have a lot of black friends. I know a lot of black people. Ben Carson. There are others. Lots of them. Great people.
It’s the White House. Does no one get it? It’s the White House. Not the Black House. Not the Muslim House.
I just don’t understand why Melania won’t live there with me. We always have such a great time together. Maybe she’s seeing someone in NY. I don’t know. I hope not. It costs so much money to keep them quiet after they start sleeping around. Such a pain. If only women couldn’t get pregnant. It would make life sooooo much easier. I’ll take maternity care out of Trumpcare. That should fix things.