Why I Can’t Release My Taxes

Ok, I admit it. I haven’t been completely honest about why I can’t release my taxes. So I’ll explain now and maybe you’ll cut me some slack.

First, it has NOTHING to do with Russia. NOTHING. Mostly nothing at all.

It has EVERYTHING to do with the Trump BRAND! Go to Wharton. They’ll explain.

The Trump Brand is the first concept you have to grasp.

The Trump BRAND is completely one and the same thing as who I am and who my family is, what we do every day, what we wear, what we eat, where we sleep, who we sleep with, what we learn, how we walk, how we breathe, where we go on vacation, where we play golf, the toys we play with, the golf courses we play on. I mean EVERYTHING. Even the chocolate cakes we eat.

Once we establish that everything we do is in support of this “brand” which is the Trump Organization and all of the related businesses that my kids own and run, then the IRS gives us a tax break for everything we do. Everything is tax deductible. EVERYTHING!!!!

Each year the IRS reviews this entire concept, and my very good, very smart lawyers work very, very hard to make the IRS understand the concept of BRAND. It’s hard work. Really hard work.

Eventually the lawyers win, and then once EVERYTHING is tax deductible it looks like I don’t pay any taxes. I don’t want to worry anybody, so I don’t want you to see the returns. It’s for your own good. But I assure you, I do pay taxes. At least I think I do. Maybe not. Maybe yes. Doesn’t matter.

During the campaign I said something like this about our tax code, “I alone can fix this.”

But don’t worry. I’m not going to fix it any time soon. Why would I? Seriously. Why would I fix something that’s worked so well for me for such a long time?

Like they say, if it ain’t broke, don’t change the tax code. DO NOT CHANGE THE TAX CODE, Paul Ryan. For the love of God, leave it ALONE!

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